03 · 4 min
Listen, then talk
Waiting for your turn isn’t listening. She can see it in your face.
A lot of ‘good talkers’ are really just quick to reply. They nod, they relate, they’ve got a story ready. From the inside it feels like connection. From the outside it feels like being used as a cue.
Try slowing it down. She talks. You let her finish — including the bit after she takes a breath like she might be done. You reply to the part that mattered, not the part that was easiest to bounce off. Then, if you still want to, you add something of your own.
Relating isn’t the same as taking over
‘I know what you mean, my manager does that too’ can be warm. It becomes a takeover when the next three minutes are all about your manager. A handy test: after you’ve spoken, does the conversation come back to her, or did you become the topic?
If you’re planning your reply while she’s still telling the story, you’re not really in it.
A silence isn’t a disaster. Two seconds of quiet after she finishes tells her what she said landed. Jumping in straight away tells her it was just a gap to fill. You don’t need to become a monk. Just stop treating every pause as a verdict on your personality.